×Hates×
ur mom
Josie: That thing, that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realize that that person is the only person that you are supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment, you get this amazing gift, and you wanna laugh and you wanna cry. Because you feel soo lucky that you found it, but so scared that it will go away all at the same time.
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That is how I feel about Jase everytime I think of him it's just a like really special thing with him ya know. I am talking to him right now and he is all upset about something and I am really frustrated b/c I wanna help him but I cant b/c I dunno what is wrong with him...I hate it when I cant help him...I just hope that he is ok...I really hope fucking Christy Hoe Ass has nothing to do with this....I dunno how a person I dont even know can give me that insecure feeling. But I do know I want to hit her ha ha ha. I'm not the only one with drama these days. Kim had words with Brian and Willie 2 of the biggest dicks in the world and I mean figuratively not literally they couldnt fuck their way out of a paper bag. Not to mention I seriously think Brian is bisexual...this could be b/c I heard it from a very realiable and GAY source ha ha ha. Man I dunno do you ever get that fluttery butterfly inside ur stomach and it just creates havoc and makes u panicky and just feeling all nervous. That is how it was at my Teacher Cadet interviews today. I had the world's most nausiating feeling in the pit of my stomach I always get that way before something important. Thursday gives me those same butterflies but not in the overwhelmingly doomish sense but rather in the excited nervous sense.....Man Jase isnt back yet I really hope he is ok. He was awfully upset I hate him being upset b/c I feel it too. Just like when Kim is upset I feel it deep inside...I am scared. I just feel scared and I dunno why. I dont want to jump to conclusions or get worked up about nothing but I am just scared. I hate that feeling. God I really want things to work out this time with him I am sick of the back and forth game, I blame myself for a lot of the shit in the past. And I am trying soooo hard to fix it b/c he's worth it. GOD HE IS WORTH IT.....everything I want and more and I just love him to pieces he is absolutely perfect for me. I used to think love was a big crock until I met him and it's like the past year despite the ups and downs...has just....changed me....and I love him deeply for making me want to be a better person. I really wanna get my act together and just show everyone I am not a failure or a big screw up but someone who actually can make a difference I cant let myself down anymore b/c I have done that for long enough....Ok I asked Jason if the thing he is upset about is bad....and he said not for me...I am so glad it's a big relief...I had this panicky feeling that he wasnt gonna want me anymore and I just felt like my world crashed and that I was going to just die....he means the world to me and I cant explain that enough I LOVE HIM to pieces he is sooooooooo special to me...I just hope everybody can find a love like I have with him...see how good I am doing on my whole freaking out thing..I didnt go off just got a lil panicky but alternatively....I am proud of myself usually this is the type of thing that causes me to go crazy and bitch him out but I didnt....which is good for me really it is. Well...I'll write more when he gets back on...