×Hates×
ur mom
Patrick: There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain in constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this there is no catharsis. My punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of my self. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.
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I feel ugly right now I feel unattractive right now if there was any emotion to cover how I feel right now it'd be the most hated emotion out there. I feel so fucking stupid today. James came over and made me feel lower than dirt made me feel horrible made me feel like an ugly person. Like I dunno he sat there and told me Jason doesnt want me at all doesnt love me doesnt anything. I was like am I ugly am I that hideous that nobody but u wants me James and he goes..."No just he doesnt know what he has he will fuck it up" and he patronized me man...I was like whatever and only after I started crying and all that shit did he let up on his lecture from hell....I made him leave I really couldnt take that shit. He is so set on getting me back he doesnt care if he hurts me in the process. It just makes me upset. I dunno. I mean why is it that I cant just be happy. Nobody understands that I just wanna be happy I cant be the doormat anymore it just gets me screwed over constantly...and then Kim calls and I started crying on the phone about it and I couldnt believe how much I was hurting...I cant talk to James anymore he fucks with my head. And then Jase is being all crazy. I want to just pack up everything I own and move away with him. If he and I last that long and he turns 18 and wants to leave I'll go with him I will pick up everything and just leave. He means just that much. Today was an uncute day I felt pretty shitty all day. But then Jase reassured me he wants me...sometimes I just dont feel too pretty and I need to hear it or I just feel like...I dunno it cant be put into words it's just a bad feeling... but I loooooooooooooove my Jason and he said today he isnt planning on breaking up for a long time.....and that was the most comforting news I heard all day....Today fucked with me too much but I put my happy face on......I wonder if anyone even noticed I was sad???
SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!! lol