×Hates×
ur mom
That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.
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I wish I could heed that warning...B/C today I disrespected myself. I didnt want to do something and I did it anyways. I paid for it dearly though. Here is how my day went. It started off with me sitting there all sleepy and not wanting to get up. My mom was going to let me stay home but I was like, "No Mom I will go to school." Well....school my ass...I showed up and left like immediately with Kim and Monica. I really can say I didnt want to. I am mad that I didnt stand up for myself and just say no...I wanted to stay in school. I need a backbone. Well we left and got gas. Then drove around. Then we decided that we needed to get some coffee so we went to the coffee scene and got some coffee. And Monica called her friend George. Well we stayed there awhile and then left to McDonald's. Then Kim and Monica rode around with George. And left me in the car by myself. I told them it was ok. I shouldve went back to school I wanted to sooooo fuckin bad. Well after that....We met up with Kevin Garland and some other people and they wanted to cop 2 dime bags. Well then we called Brian and went to his place. Then we went to the weed man's house and they coped but didnt share. So fuck them. Well then we went to meet up with some guy Monica knows...and here is where I get pissed. I didnt really wanna go I wanted to come back for 7th. They arent in the attendance situation I am in and they have to realize that I need to appeal a lot and it's sooo fucking insensitive of them to be like nah...I wanted to go back. Well we meet this guy and they want to leave with him.....well here is where my anger has fully mounted. I am tired and shit, my head hurts and I am in a strange area of North Carolina. Kim and Monica really wanna go with this guy. That guy..gave me the creeps. And I could tell Kim really wanted to go....so I told her it was okay and I wouldnt be mad......Well following that I get lost. I travelled through Raleigh, Dunn and Lillington. I was lost for 2 hours. I was crying. And I hated the world. I found my way back but it was weird how it happened. I was crying and panicking and then something told me turn back. SO I DID...and then I found my way back to Fayetteville and then Fort Bragg and then I went home. I officially will never skip again after Wednesday. I am disgusted at the fact I couldnt stand up for myself with my friends and just stay at school. I really hate myself. The only good thing today was I found out I can find my way back to where I live. I talked to my Jasers. He is my only calming point these days. I feel mad as hell they didnt call me to see if I was ok.....FUCK EVERYBODY. I hate myself right now. I need to stay the fuck at school. But wednesday will be it and I am only skippin b/c it will be special and all. I love my Jason and I cant wait to move out with him. I feel like complete shit right now. It sucks. Jase didnt get suspended just a little ideal. I love him sooooooo much. I dont want anybody else but him. I swear right after I get out of the hellhole that is high school I am peacing the fuck out and living with him. And another thing....everybody wants some ass...and I am the only one getting it I love that ha ha....Wednesday, Saturday and oh yeah Sunday....I love Jason sooooo much. I dont wanna just fuck any random guy he is it for me. He just overfills me with happiness. I love him to pieces. Man it is hard to explain how wound up I am right now. I need to be fucked....good and long and hard...ha ha ha seriously I need him. I love him soooooo much. Man today blew a big dick....I cuss so much I need to quit that. I also need to switch cd's in my car. All my music sucks. OHHHHHHH yeah. Ummm...Nick has a girlfriend but I doubt it will last b/c he is selfish and will run back to Richard and leave her in the dust. This entry makes it sound like I hate my friends. I dont hate them. I am just upset that they take complete advantage of me. I mean I bend over backwards for them and I get nothing but shit. I mean they know I worry and they know these things and I dunno...I feel disconnected from them. I feel like maybe....they dont even really like me but they like the fact that I drive. Not me but my car. If that is the case...they can leave me alone. I feel really used right now. I feel like just crying again. I love my Jason. Kim maybe understands me the best and knows when I am about to fucking go off on someone. But Monica dont know that. I feel like she just tries to boss me around sometimes. And when I say no I seriously feel like they are gonna be like okkkkk we hate u amanda peace. That is pretty bad isnt it. I overanalyze shit. Kim didnt wanna leave me and I am not mad at her. ANOTHER THING..Why do ppl feel the need to try to put me out like I am single???? I am not single I am in a committed relationship. GOD!!!!!! I cant wait for the day Jase sticks a ring on my hand (long in the future) b/c then I will tell all these boys to not be trynna holla and stop staring me down...b/c I have a man. I say it now but u know how it is. I want Jase to call me. I will write more later
PS How bad is it when a fucking drug addict dropout whore tells you and ur friends u need to straighten your act up....I feel like trash.