×Hates×
ur mom
When you need something to believe in, start with yourself.
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today wasnt too bad. Hmm I woke up and did a new type of hairstyle like the one Brynn on Real World wears. It is very cute and a lot of people liked it. I might wear my hair like that to prom. The good prom plans are back on. Jenny is trying to get Bryan and myself to get along enough to be able to have a fun prom night. I am listening to The Used they fucking rock....yall should check them out...I am talking to Jase and Alysha. Yay. Hmmm Today I taught. Overall it wasnt too bad. But seriously kids are really fucking disrespectful, so rude. Well I threw someone out of class b/c they were getting points taken off my grade, I taught them all about the chapter, giving candy as a reward for the right answers and then we went outside. Wasnt that bad. I enjoyed it. Well my friends are acting normal again. Good thing of course. Jase and I are talking about me being scared for him b/c he does this crazy shit. In Goldsboro there is like this thing going around where people are lacing weed and other stuff with embalming fluid. Now today I did some research on it...and I found out that shit can fry your brain, leave you brain dead a vegetable. It makes you dilusional and a lot of people go temporarily insane b/c of it. And that scares me I dont want anything to happen to my Jasers...I wish he would be more careful where he gets his shit from, or not do it at all for a little bit, but that is a lot to ask and I am not trying to start an arguement it just really fucking makes me nervous for him. Not to mention he goes into the deep ghetto to get the shit too....scary, I told him watch out for undercover cops and all b/c despite what stupid people tend to believe...they dont have to tell you if they are or arent a cop. I just dont want him to end up like our friend Chris Little, he has fried his brain. It is bad enough what I have done, I killed too many brain cells, I cant remember a lot of things I KNOW I used to know. I did some dumb ass shit...and I look back on it and realize that it isnt always fun waking up feeling like a sledgehammer was taken to your head and having nights be blurry......that is why I calmed my partying down A LOT. I have little control of myself when I am fucked up, thank god I have only really gotten fucked up around people who wouldnt do that taking advantage of me shit. I mean I have run into a few wannabe playas that will get the shit smacked out of them and leave me alone...but overall, my great buddies stopped them from harassing me, either that or I would be like take me home....I dunno I just cant believe stuff sometimes. Man my stomach really fucking hurts...like cramps kind of I hate that shit sooooo goddamn much. Over the weekend Summer and Kasey went to a party drank some smirnoffs and then got hit on by some fuckers....Corey came tripped on them and shit...Is it worth worrying about shit anymore? I dunno. Seems like more trouble than it is worth sometimes. Nobody cares about my opinion. I am not worth listening to right? And then I dunno....I just feel invisible...it sucks....somebody shake me out of this mood. And oh yeah I am fucking pale...URGHHHHHHHHHHHHH...........Jase is away right now I hope he isnt getting high again he smoked 4 blunts yesterday...that is a lot...not a lot a lot but if the weed is potent it is enough. Sometimes when he is high, he acts like a different person he is completely different and makes me feel kind of like he dont care about shit...he doesnt mean it but he is a lot less inhibited when he is high and that worries me. I dont want him to do something he will regret like illegal mean stuff. He is just really short tempered with me when he is high and that is frustrating b/c u cant tell him to stop b/c he forgets it and keeps acting crazy like...high people are never serious. *lol* Not to mention he'll tell me about near death experiences and OH LORD...when he starts in on those I just dont wanna hear it b/c I wanna cry....sounds stupid but I am scared he is gonna get himself killed one day...And he drives high....that is scary too...he is crazy driving sober....driving high...lol..Oh well I still love him though but when I am in the car he better be careful....well ttyl write sum more soon..