×Hates×
ur mom
Goddamn it I am am so fucking pissed off and tired of everyone's shit these days. I am considering locking this diary so nobody can fucking read it. Right now I am mad as hell b/c my boyfriend has decided to go to his fucking friends house and didnt call me to tell me he was leaving or even pop on the im to say yo Amanda I'll be back later. And he keeps getting high with these losers who cheat on their girlfriends...I dont want him around that shit b/c he could get tempted...But no.......He still goes...And lately I've been worried I might be pregnant...And that is scaring the shit out of me. I am a natural born worrier. And this could just be me being all paranoid like I get sometimes. But like get my point to why I am worried. Prom night, we had sex and the condom broke, and I was on my period but my period wasnt like it usually is...it was light...and that isnt normal for me. And now I'm tired all the time, my chest is tender (actually it feels like it was pulverized with a meat tenderizer) and my chest is also a lot bigger. My appetite is all whacked out and I dunno.... It could also just be me worrying. But either way if I am not pregnant something is severely wrong with my ass. And I gotta find a way to get birth control b/c my mom is a fucking lying hypocrite who isnt bringing me b/c she thinks if I am not on birth control I wont have sex. I personally think it is funny she thinks she has that kind of control over my life. She is trying to be nice to me but I dont wanna hear fucking word one out of her mouth b/c she is a bastard. Or something. She is just nauseating to me these days since last friday. I wanna leave again, you have no idea how easy it is to want to leave after you have already done it once... And get this we got yearbooks and my picture looks like shit, I cant take a good picture I hate yearbooks pictures, not to mention I fucking look good in the one that isnt my class picture...FUCK YEARBOOKS!!!!! Then I saw Monica's yearbook and Kim took a page in there but only a paragraph in mine....WTF?!?!?!?!?! Fuck Kim too while we are at it, she is full of shit and a fair weather friend and I hate her fat double chinned ass anyways. I dont even know why the yearbook thing pissed me off... It just did...I am just so fucking bitchy today and tired of everything today. I wish sometimes I had to courage to fucking do something about the way I am like see a shrink or something....I am stressed out all I want is to be loved but my stupid ass pushes everyone away and gets hated. I fucking hate the world and if it were up to me I wouldn't fucking be here. My life is shit, and I understand why people who commit suicide do it. They feel like I do....They feel invisible no matter how many people love them. They feel worthless and ugly...They feel like nobody cares....They are dead inside...Today I feel like that...I am crying b/c I am so stupid about it. I wanna fucking die right now and I dont even know why...I wanna go take a razor and slice up my skin right now, and I dont know why. Nor do I really want to but it is hard to explain....It is one of those moments that a hug would make worse and a kiss would push a person over the edge....WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME