×Hates×
ur mom
I know yall really deserve a better entry from me cuz the ones I've been writing have sucked. Well lately i have basically just kinda felt like giving up on having friends at all I swear everybody in my life hates me and that is okay....Because I am about 2 months away from graduating and as far as I am concerned I dont care what happens to those people after graduation. Sometimes I just sort of wonder where the times goes,it truely does kind of feel like just yesterday I was a freshman and like innocent...I just really wonder what makes shit change like it does. Like me and Kim our friendship is so weird. I wish that like things were the way they used to be where we were best friends who did everything together. But you know what...she has Rainey and Amber for that now and sometimes things like this are for the better...Like on Friday we went dress shopping and some Victorias Secret lady chased us around wanting to get our bra size....it almost felt like old times...almost. Then Jason showed up and like I dunno things got uncomfortable. My whole life is Jason these days....I hope he realizes I've given up a lot of shit to be with him. He really is my only friend. And I hate it when he and I fight b/c like then I dont have anybody. I wish he and I could have some good friends. Instead we get a bunch of assholes. lol. Not to mention I feel like any friendships with promise I could have just kinda of go away after awhole. Maybe it is me. Maybe I am just over scrutinizing the whole situation. It is really messed up how I cant convey what I am thinking anymore like I mean I'll have one thought but....it doesnt ever match up what I want to say. Like it ever does. I am proud to say I havent cut in a long time. I felt the urge on friday when me and my mom got into some shit. Instead I just kinda stuffed my frustration into a little bottle and tried to pretend it didnt happen. I dont really want to start cutting again.....I hate myself when I do it and I dont like going through all the trouble of hiding the things. I dont like worrying Jason. The only good thing about cutting is it temporarily kills off the pain...I just need to keep the mindset that tommorrow is another day and maybe that will keep me around for a little while longer. Well see ya later.